Monday, March 31, 2008

One minute at a time

Right now I would give anything to have a smoke. Well not really but I wouldn't mind a few puffs!

I am halfway through day two of no smoking.
If I calculate the hours maybe that will seem more impressive.
I had my last smoke Sunday 9.30pm, it is now Tuesday 11.30am so that makes...

38 smoke free hours!
Well done me :)

I know this may sound silly, but I think one of the reasons I chose to give in so easily before was because I wasn't getting enough praise. While on the one hand I didn't really struggle to say no to the smoking urge it was still an effort that I wanted recognition for.

In the beginning there was support everywhere, but after a few days of doing so well, I guess I started to feel that no one cared any more. I realise it is ridiculous to crave such attention and I am ashamed to be admitting it, but there you have it.

The other reason behind my initial failure was a lack of honesty. Don't get me wrong I never had a cigarette during the time I said I was smoke free but there were a few personal issues that I wasn't completely honest with myself about.

I am still not ready to share these with the world and I am not sure I ever will be. They involve a certain shame and stigma and chances are they will effect the way people view me and I am not sure if I have the strength to deal with that right now so I will save it for another day for now.

What I will say though is, quitting smoking (or any other bad habit) is all about making a lifestyle change. I didn't make the necessary lifestyle changes before, and while I still have a few more to make now I am more aware of their importance and therefore I believe my success rate is heightened.

A wise friend pointed out that the easiest way to quit is minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day till eventually it becomes weeks, months and years. So now I have been quit 38 hours and 7 minutes. But whose counting!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

There is no stopping me now!

So two weeks on from my original quit date, I am not exactly in a position to say that I have successfully become a quitter. While I did manage to hold the cravings at bay for days on end, it was easier than I expected to fall into my old habits.

As I begin round two of quitting I am more confident in my intentions. I can see where I went wrong and have developed new strategies to combat any possible weaknesses.

The first of these new strategies is to call on the assistance of my fairies. I have read many stories of fairies helping others fight this terrible addiction so I am sure they will be happy to help.

I have also found it important to regularly update here. The days when I took the time to write about my efforts made it all feel worthwhile. I know that this is supposed to be about doing something for myself, but the fact of the matter is, myself likes smoking, so at this point in time I am my own worst enemy!

For some reason the thought of letting others down is much stronger than the disappointment I can create for myself. I guess I am just to forgiving.

I have written a list of inspirations, affirmations and general motivational thoughts to keep me on track. Naturally I will post them, on the off chance that they can be of use to you.

Also please feel free to share your experiences and thoughts.

And then I fall again

Yes, I may have managed to get back up a few times now, but I keep on falling, and falling. I may not have gone back to my old ways but if I don't take some drastic action now, then I fear that all may be lost.

So basically I am back at square one.

Two weeks after my original quit date I feel that I can no longer currently call myself a quitter. I would like to say that will change today, but deep down I know it won't. Though tomorrow is another story.

That's right folks my new quit date is March 31. I was thinking that April Fools day could be rather appropriate but then I thought why wait one more day? Of course on that theory I should just stop right now but I want to have one last one latter tonight. Really sit down and enjoy it and then revert to telling myself all the evils of tobacco!

Monday, March 24, 2008

I got knocked down but I got up again

So as some of you may know I had a tumble a few days ago. It wasn't even really like giving in. I made the mental choice to smoke again. Then I made the mental choice to stop (again).

I guess I really just wanted to check that I was certain about joining the no smoking rank in life. I am.

The one thing that has become very apparent to me over the last week is that the desire to smoke really is all in my head. As long as I remind myself that the choice not to smoke is mine and mine alone it seems to be much easier to say no.

Of course there are times when I need to give myself some reasons for saying no, but these are mainly just affirmations that I have made the right choice.


  1. My health
    s a mother I have the responsibility to my children to ensure that I am as healthy as possible

  2. Money
    The price of petrol and general living costs these days who can afford luxuries like smoking

  3. Self Respect
    While the hole my body is a temple thing is a bit excessive there are some valid points.

    How can I expect anyone to care about me when I refuse to look after myself?

Still here!

I hope you have all had a very Happy Easter. Festive times can be especially testing for quitters!

I had the double challenge of a birthday thrown in as well so my limits have been strongly tested of late.

It is with slight sorrow that I write the following. After over 120 hours of being smoke free I gave into my burning desire and had a cigarette. Actually I had more than one. Around four.

All is not lost though and I have bounced back stronger than ever before. I know that I am now more than ever assigned to the side of non smoking.

Thanks to Samuel Rosa from stock.xchng for the photo

Friday, March 21, 2008

Surely one won't hurt?

I keep asking myself this over and over again.

That nasty little voice inside my head is forever saying "surely it won't matter if I have just one. Not even a full one, just a puff or two. No one will know..."

However someone will know. Me. The most important person of all.

One of the ways I am helping myself through this ordeal is by the constant affirmation that I am the most important person I know.

This is not meant to sound conceited.

As a wife and mother I am constantly putting other people before myself. At times this is not a problem. However, there are occasions when I need to remember that it is alright to put my needs before others.

The person most worthy of my kindness and honesty is myself. If I am willing to lie to myself how can I possibly expect others to take my word.

There has been a time in my life when I felt like everything I ever said was a lie. My reasons for this behaviour are extensive. It was partly because I was so unhappy with my life I would do anything to change reality. The easiest way to change it was to lie. The other part was I couldn't see any alternative.

At the time it served it's purpose. Some how I managed to get through relatively unscathed and without causing to much damage to others. The few scars that I do carry are only to be expected and are healing nicely with the passage of time.

I felt the need (and sometimes still do) to make people happy, at almost any cost.

So, as I struggle to resist the temptation of desire for the lethal chemicals held with in cigarettes this is what I tell myself.

Lying to anyone is wrong, lying to yourself is worse.
Regardless of who doesn't know if you smoke,
YOU will always know when you do

Thursday, March 20, 2008

100 Hours and counting

The early hours of this morning saw me pass the 100 hour mark. I gave myself a pat on the back and I give an even bigger one to all those who a struggling through a similar plight.

On the one hand I can honestly say that this has not been as difficult as what I expected. On the other though I have come pretty damn close to quitting on quitting.

"How has she been maintaining this unwavering strength?" I hear you all ask. Let me tell you.

It is all in the mind.

I have always believed I can convince myself of anything. I am the only person who can control what my mind thinks. So when it starts to think it was a cigarette I just tell it that it is wrong!

The only person I will be letting down, if I don't go through with this, is myself. There are enough other people in the world to let me down, there is no need for me to be one of them.

Stay strong
Stand tall
and Breathe deep

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

There is always hope

I hope that there are many of you out there who have decided to become quitters as well.

I would like to give you all this beautiful rainbow that shone over my house the other morning. Rainbows are a sign of hope, a thing of beauty and somewhat of a rarity.

They are magical and mystical and I hope that you can all get some strength and beauty from it.

It has been just over 72 hours for me now. I had a very busy day today and yet there were so many times when I saw someone else smoking when I thought what I wouldn't give for just one puff!

It is easy to fall down and go back to the errors of our ways. We have conditioned ourselves into certain behaviours. Ones that are not easily broken.

For all those who had a slip up today, I offer my hand to help you up. It is from our falls we gain strength. I too have fallen over many times before getting this far.

Together we can

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

48 Hours and counting

Today has just about flown by and sees me still strongly and proudly hold my head high as a non smoker.

There are still wavering moments when I think "Oh just one little puff won't hurt..."

Thankfully a louder more powerful voice screams out "OH Yes it will!!" and my strength returns

It still feels like temptation is rife within me though. Failure is waiting round the corner however easily overcome.

I just can't wait till I get to the stage where I can say comfortably I have no desire to have a cigarette. I mean if someone offered me a way to have a cigarette without becoming a smoker I would be there in a flash!

But that is not to be! And really I am fine with that!

I hope that all other quitters have been as successful as me today and for everyone may tomorrow be even better.

Monday, March 17, 2008

The First 24 Hours

As the first 24 hours as a non smoker are nearly passed I let out a deep sigh of relief.

I am not sure whether to think tomorrow will be easier or not. Obviously I am hoping it will be easier but that doesn't mean it will!

In the scheme of things today was not really that hard. There were a few times I could feel myself start to crumble but then I just thought of my dear Quit Club.

I have publicly stated my intentions on quitting, I can not let the public see me fail. There are so many people out there who have gone through the same as me. They have been able to come out the other side shining stronger than before. I really want to be one of those people.

I know in the past I have scoffed at the air of superiority that they walk around with. Now I understand it! I want that feeling. I have had it before but for some reason it wasn't enough back then.

It will be now.

I will join the ranks of non smokers. Noses raised proudly to the sky as we inhale nothing but freshness! Hoorah!!!! Who will join me?

Say NO! .....then yes

Resisting temptation is never easy. I have resisted temptation a lot today and I am currently in the process of a fierce battle with her.

It might take some thought but she (temptation) can be beaten.

Never underestimate the power of the mind. It is sensors in the mind which tell us we want a cigarette. They can be shut down. It just takes the guts to say NO!

NO! I don't want a cigarette

NO! I don't want to be a smoker

NO! I will not give in

After saying (or yelling) no for a while it is time to say yes

Yes I feel better about myself now
Yes I can make the right choice for my body
Yes I deserve to look after my health

Over 21 hours

So I have just passed 21 hours without the slightest hint of a cigarette. I must say I am rather pleased with myself.

At times it has been very easy. I have sailed through without a second thought. Then at other times I feel these fingers within my soul scratching away. Clawing, trying to hold on to something.

I see myself trying to stretch out and reach that joyful white tube that has bought me so much pleasure in the past. Yet I know that I will never be able to pick it up. I just won't let myself.

What was once enjoyed and treasured as five minutes of solace is now recognised for what it truly is. A cancer giving stick full of poisons and toxins that will slowly steal my life away from me. If I let it, which I won't.

I would like to go to bed early tonight, put an end to this long draining day. However I have work to do. Some paid, some on myself. I have years of bad habits to break and replace.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Not giving up anything....

...Just gaining my health.

These wise words were left to me by another. I think they are incredibly inspirational as it is so very very true.

Even though we may be giving up cigarettes we are gaining so much more, our health, our lives, our freedom.

Hope you can all get something from that.

The first day of the rest of my life

So I am half way through my first day as my life as a non smoker and I feel great. Seriously I don't. Once I get past this incredible tiredness and the increasing burning desire to have a smoke!

Thankfully I have some great friends on board who have decided to join me in my quest. It is because of my commitment to them I am able to look at my tobacco tin and know with confidence that the lid will stay tightly shut.

I have always been different from everyone else. There was a time that frightened me. Now I embrace it and stand tall and proud.

Most people I know that are quitters did so by getting rid of all smoking paraphernalia. Made their house smoke free and got rid of their cigarettes before Quit Day arrived.

This is not exactly how I am tackling the situation though. My husband is still a smoker. Much to my disappointment. I had hoped we could go through this together but he is still not ready and I can not wait any longer.

Anyway, he offered to stop smoking at home, however I have said this is not necessary. I don't want him sneaking around behind my back to smoke because he doesn't think I can resist temptation.

I can and WILL resist all temptation that is thrown at me.

I want to be a non smoker.

I want to free my body from the damage I was creating.

I want to show the world how strong I am and that I can do anything if I set my mind to it

I know that at times I am going to have to summon every inch of will power that runs through my veins. That is what it is there for and I am glad I have found a reason to use it

I know that right now I would give anything to get up roll a smoke and have one quick puff. But I won't, I know I want to be a quitter but I am not quitting on myself, not now, not ever.

I have made this pact to have a cigarette free life and by golly I am going to stick with it! And you know what?..... YOU can too!

Day One

This is how I plan to start my first day of non smoking. I invite you all to join me. I believe it will be a great way to start each and every day. I must thank my dear friend darkblueverbatin from myLot for this great suggestion.

Get up early in the morning and take three deep breaths. Really deep breathes. Suck in the air for 5 seconds while you imagine your breath is going down to your belly button, hold for five seconds and let it out for five seconds.

Then stop breathing for five seconds and repeat the cycle another 2 times.

If you get dizzy your body is not used to the intake of oxygen and smoking is affecting your breathing. I can almost guarantee you will get dizzy, just like a nicotine rush.

The time has come (well nearly anyway)

As I set here typing I should be sitting outside making the most of the remaining 195 minutes of smoking time that I have left!

All jokes aside though, I am very excited about the prospect of being able to wake up tomorrow and label myself as a non smoker. Especially after looking at the picture I question how it is I managed to ever smoke all this time.

One of the few things I remember from my Sociological studies many years ago it the Labeling Theory. It is based on the premise that if you call someone something for long enough they will eventually begin to believe what is said. They will ensure that the statement becomes a reality.

With this in mind I am going to continually refer to myself as a non smoker, shouldn't take to long till it becomes true!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Birth of "The Quit Club"

On March 17 I will officially begin my life as a non smoker.

Recently I posted a discussion on myLot asking if there were any quitters out there and if so what advice they had to offer me.

The response was fantastic. I gained inspiration and insight from friends both new and old. Along the way I have encountered a few people who expressed their desires to also become a quitter.

Based on the theories of Strength in Numbers and United Commitment the likelihood of success is greatly increased. For that reason (plus many others) I have decided to establish this blog.

By regularly coming here people will be able to gain a range of different tips and tools that they can adapt to suit their lifestyle. As well as being able to find comfort in the fact that they are not alone in their plight towards a healthier life.

It is vitally important to remember that we are all different people living in different circumstances. We have all had different experiences that has given our knowledge and shaped us into who we are.

Despite sharing some common threads not everything is going to work for every person. Their will be different view points and individual responses as well as similarities.

The great thing about this site is that there will be something for anyone and everyone who wants to say they are a successful quitter. And it is not just limited to smoking. What ever bad habit you want to rid yourself of is welcomed here.

Smoking, drinking, gambling, eating, lying, anything and everything. Whatever it is that is holding you back from being a healthier you.

Comments, experiences and thoughts are welcomed here. As is inspiration, dedication and as many laughs as possible!