Monday, March 31, 2008

One minute at a time

Right now I would give anything to have a smoke. Well not really but I wouldn't mind a few puffs!

I am halfway through day two of no smoking.
If I calculate the hours maybe that will seem more impressive.
I had my last smoke Sunday 9.30pm, it is now Tuesday 11.30am so that makes...

38 smoke free hours!
Well done me :)

I know this may sound silly, but I think one of the reasons I chose to give in so easily before was because I wasn't getting enough praise. While on the one hand I didn't really struggle to say no to the smoking urge it was still an effort that I wanted recognition for.

In the beginning there was support everywhere, but after a few days of doing so well, I guess I started to feel that no one cared any more. I realise it is ridiculous to crave such attention and I am ashamed to be admitting it, but there you have it.

The other reason behind my initial failure was a lack of honesty. Don't get me wrong I never had a cigarette during the time I said I was smoke free but there were a few personal issues that I wasn't completely honest with myself about.

I am still not ready to share these with the world and I am not sure I ever will be. They involve a certain shame and stigma and chances are they will effect the way people view me and I am not sure if I have the strength to deal with that right now so I will save it for another day for now.

What I will say though is, quitting smoking (or any other bad habit) is all about making a lifestyle change. I didn't make the necessary lifestyle changes before, and while I still have a few more to make now I am more aware of their importance and therefore I believe my success rate is heightened.

A wise friend pointed out that the easiest way to quit is minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day till eventually it becomes weeks, months and years. So now I have been quit 38 hours and 7 minutes. But whose counting!

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